So here is the truth--the whole truth--and nothing but the truth. Even after the devastation of a miscarriage and praying so earnestly for God to give us another chance to become parents again, I was scared to actually be pregnant with this baby. Now I was of course a bit scared (to say the least) about the possibility of history repeating its self, but that was not the entirety of it. I was also scared about actually getting what I so desperately desired. The thought of having a second child was a bit hard to imagine. In fact, after we had Katy, Tim and I both thought we were done having babies. It wasnt a bad experience--quite the opposite in fact--We absolutely fell head over heals for our little baby girl and didnt think that ANY child could ever possibly live up to the "standard" of our Katy. We couldnt possibly love any other child like we loved our Katy, so why bother? We even sold all of our baby stuff. (Dang it!) Then something started to change in me. I began to see Katy interacting with babies and watching her little friends become big sisters. She began asking for a baby, and I actually thought I might want another--you know...just for her sake!! I even said "If I never have another child I will be ok with just my Katy". Not that I would not still be happy as "just" Katy's mom, but now something has changed. I say NOW, because I have just come to this realization recently. You see up until our last ultrasound, I was often worried at night thinking "what if I dont love this baby?" "what if we made a mistake?" "Do I really want another baby?" --Yes- I really had these thoughts--even after having been through such devastation and wanting it soooo badly. Then after the ultrasound, something just happened. The bond began to form between my son and me. His movements became stronger, I had seen his little face and body on the screen before me, and now he had a name. As the days and months have passed since then, I have only grown more close to him (and him to me--literally). I now cant imagine life without him in it. I no longer have those crazy questions in my head at night. I simply know. I love this baby. I want this baby. I am crazy happy to be having my second child. I KNOW we have done the right thing by adding him to our family. God has given us such an amazing blessing and I cannot wait to hold him and kiss his sweet face. I now wonder what he will look like. Will I get to have another that looks like my "baby". Nothing would please me more than to see another "little Katy face" staring back at me. :) Will he look like a totally different baby? It doesnt really matter, but my mind does swirl. I guess what I am saying in all this is I am ready. I want to meet my son. I want to be a mother of two. I want to see Katy hold her brother. She is ready too. He will be here in the blink of an eye, and we are all eagerly awaiting his arrival. So come on little man..not too soon, of course, but when you are ready, your family is here waiting for you! 
1 comments:
When is John due again???
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